year in review ...

It's been an interesting year, full of struggle, bent with pain, stretched in faith, ripe with growth and illuminated with light. It was indeed a year in which God had much to teach me and show me about grace, provision, faith and trust.

January: I rung in the new year with friends at a couple different parties, fairly uneventful. New Year's Day I grabbed brunch at First Watch with my old friend Josh visiting from Colorado and saw Slumdog Millionaire with a couple strange guys I'd never met before. They were my roommate's (at the time) friends, but she didn't come with us. And I, of course, marked the new year with the requisite promises to myself of getting in shape and staying in shape. I didn't really succeed at the first, so you know the second wasn't really accomplished either.

February: Started the month off with a bang on the 3rd with my small group by having dinner at the Power & Light District and going to Chris Tomlin's concert at Sprint Center - FANTASTIC concert! I also, that month, met up with a friend from Hillcrest Nazarene, Darla Sargent (Turner), I hadn't seen in over 20 years for some Mexican food and major catching up.

March: This month started off with a bang of a different kind when I lost my job on the 6th. I had been looking at other jobs already but it's always easier to leave on your own terms than someone else's. I went to the Fireman's Auction to help raise money for breast cancer research the day after I lost my job and that helped to get my mind off of things for a couple hours. I saw Watchmen on Friday the 13th of that month with Josh. I had countless appointments with temp agencies, all leading nowhere. My "little brother" Justin came down to visit me one weekend from Minnesota (I met him in Alaska and we just hit it off right away and became pretty close. I hadn't seen him for over 2 years, 2 1/2 probably). That was the highlight of the month - if not the year. We hung out and talked, he played the guitar and sang for me (he's a musician), we saw another friend of mine play in his band at a bar downtown, we went to the park, we stayed up late, we ate amazing food. Good times! I had my interview with the unemployment office and was approved just before the close of the month. This month marked 9 years since my mom passed away on the 30th of 2000. I told my roommate that I was moving out and at the end of the month, I did just that.

April: April Fools Day brought Justin McRoberts in concert to my church. He showered us with that voice of his and it was beautiful, like he always is! On Friday the 3rd I saw a friend, Mark Mansingh, posted on Facebook that he needed someone to manage the office for his start-up wealth management firm, Mark IV Wealth Management. I commented that I was interested and left my phone number. That was at about 4pm. He called me right away and asked if I could start Monday. I said, "Yes," of course. He told me to "dress like a million bucks" and that made me a little nervous. Anyhow, I showed up on the 6th and worked all that week. We all closed up a bit early that Friday. And I had a massive migraine so I went home and went promptly to bed. Monday the 13th came and my migraine and morphed into a major sinus infection. I called in sick Monday and Tuesday. He called me Tuesday and said that he didn't need me anymore, he had hired someone else that was an excellent public speaker (which was a necessary part of the job). That was fine with me though because I scored an interview with the number ONE company I would want to work for if I could work anywhere, International Justice Mission in Washington, D.C. I had applied there on what I thought was a total longshot. But they called me for an interview and I was ecstatic! Even though I didn't get the job, my dream company thought enough of my resume and cover letter and other application information to want to interview me! That was the highlight of the month, no doubt about it, if not the year! The next week I was on I-35, a major interstate, and my car's timing belt decided that was the best place to break. My car stopped. Luckily I was able to get off to the side of the highway before I wound up dead. I had it towed and suffered a huge blow when the estimate came to $1500! God was good and provided for me and I was able to get the repairs done a couple days later. Two days later I was at Whole Foods and my door (the driver's door) decided to break and wouldn't close . I drove home with it bungied shut and that was pretty interesting. So the next day found me plunking down another $500 on body work. NOT fun when you're employed, let alone unemployed - in case you were wondering.

May: Sunday the 3rd I was at my friend Jason's place. He made dinner and we watched Dark Side of Oz and Alice on the Wall. I was leaving at midnight or so. I took a few steps out his front door and rolled my right ankle. HARD! It instantly swelled up to about the size of a softball and I had thisweird hole on the top of my foot up near my pinky toe (not sure where that came from). And since it was my right ankle I couldn't drive so I gimped back inside and "slept" on my friend's couch, meaning I laid there wincing in the dark most of the night and unsuccessfully tried to keep my foot warm despite the ice. In the morning, I couldn't put any weight on it at all. NONE. This was not a good sign - in case you were wondering. I hopped on one foot to the bathroom and every hop jolted it and sent pain shooting up my leg. Again, not a good sign. Jason went and bought me a cane (a CANE!) and an ace wrap. I called my friend and told her what happened and that I couldn't drive home. She left work and came to get me. Jason gave me a piggy back ride to the car and I probably nearly killed him. The cane was useless given that I couldn't put any weight on it. I got home and promptly called my sister who stored a bunch of stuff (including my crutches) for me while I was in Alaska for 2 years. She said she knew they were somewhere but wasn't sure. She called back and said she found them and said she'd be willing to meet Dad in Lawrence, KS (about the halfway point between Topeka and Olathe). So that night he drove to Lawrence to get my crutches and upon dropping them off to me he said it looked broken. And he was right, it did look broken. I didn't have insurance at the time so this was all very scary to me. The next day I got in to see my doctor and the office visit and xrays were only $80! They said there were no obvious breaks but the amount of swelling could be hiding a stress fracture. They also said that I likely had torn several ligaments. They said to remain non-weight bearing for 2-4 weeks and then gradually begin to put weight on it as tolerated and that if the swelling and pain didn't dissipate greatly within 2 weeks to come back. Two weeks later I was back in the office. Still swollen huge, still unbelievably painful, still purple and black and blue, still had that weird hole in my foot. They took more xrays and pulled and pushed it all over again. They said it likely was a stress fracture and undoubtedly some tears. They said they thought I had torn all the ligaments where my toes meet my foot, the ligaments in my ankle and did some heavy damage to the outside of my foot. Then they uttered the "s" word. Surgery. They said that I might need it, especially if I wasn't walking within another two to three weeks and they gave me this awesome rainbow shoe to wear so that all my friends would envy me. Somewhere in the middle of this I went with my friend Christina to visit another friend, Rachel, for Mother's Day weekend in Springfield, MO. All three of us lost our moms and so decided to spend that weekend celebrating together. It was a wonderful time of just hanging out, lots of laughter, manicure for me and mani/pedis for them (remember the foot? yeah, no pedicure for me, sadly). Brunches. Dinner out. Homemade sangria! Creating our Match.com profiles. Rachel's friend Gil. It was just a wonderful weekend, despite all the pain I was in. This month brought me a lot of support in the form of wonderful friends who came over and did laundry, went grocery shopping, kept me company, got me out of the house for brief periods, went and picked up my car from Jason's, and just loved on me.

June: The first Sunday of June was a magic day. I woke up and like every other day for the last week or two tried to put weight on my foot. And I could! Not only that but I could sort of gimp on it. That was a great feeling! You have no idea how difficult it is to take a shower/bath when you can't put weight on one foot. All sorts of climbing and huffing and puffing and hoisting and work transpires just to accomplish this normally menial task. It was thoroughly exhausting. But on that magical day in early June, I could put some (read: a very little) weight on it finally. Four weeks to the day. I of course didn't feel comfortable yet standing in the shower (hello? slick surfaces and all.) so it wasn't easy like it was before the injury but it sure beat what I'd been having to go through. So that started a speedy road to recovery after that day. No surgery for me! Hooray! A week or so after that magic day I started helping a friend, Andrew, in his home office. I worked with Andrew at Laminate Works (he's actually the one that got me the job there when I got back from Alaska in 2007) until March when they let me go. I already knew a lot of the business so it made sense for me to help him out on a "consultant" basis. So I started doing administrative stuff for him a few hours a week, here and there. It was a welcome supplement to my unemployment benefits. I turned 32 this month as well and attempted to throw myself a party. My "little brother" Justin (the one from March) said he'd come down and spend the weekend with me. I think six people showed up (over 20 had responded that they would be there) and I didn't know a couple of them (they were friends of friends or something). Justin couldn't as he had a long-time friend that had stage 4 colon cancer at 22 years old and was dying. Understood, of course. I had a ton of leftover food but it was still fun. We grilled and played some game (don't remember what), and drank sangria and beers, and ate divine cupcakes that my friend Janine made: lemon lime cupcakes with a blackberry butter cream frosting and blackberry sauce drizzled over the top! A couple days before my birthday, which is on the 17th - in case you were wondering and wanted to put it on your calendars for 2010 - I met a friend of a friend for a job interview. He runs a telecommunications company and needed an office manager. We talked for a bit and each said we'd pray it over and reconvene in a couple days. So a couple days later we met again and both committed to the job. He took me out for lunch to celebrate the job and my birthday. I was to start July 1st, working 10 hours/week so that I could continue collecting my full unemployment check. The rest of the month was fairly uneventful, I think. The last weekend of the month I went out to my dad's lake house north of Manhattan, KS. Both my sisters were there and all their kids. It was such a wonderful weekend! Full of outdoor cooking and dining, relaxing, walking down to the lake, Sophie (my boxer) running about chasing the kids on their four-wheeler and Barbie jeep. Fantastic sunsets! And family.

July: I started work on the 1st and put in a whopping 4 hours at the office! It was tough. I was off again until the 6th so I relaxed all weekend. I saw Dierks Bentley give a free concert with a couple of friends of mine. Not a lot happened this month. I "broke up with" my best friend of more than 17 years after a couple trusted mentors of mine told me I needed to get out of this "abusive relationship." I had prayed about it and actually had been thinking about ending it for several years. When I finally did, I felt relief and the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders. Why hadn't I done that sooner! I did some karaoking on the 10th with some girlfriends, went to a fish fry on the 18th with my roommate, saw Toad the Wet Sprocket on the 23rd and Better than Ezra on the 24th. My dad's best friend for over 30 years, Kim, was in town from Seattle. I got to see him for a bit and have dinner with him and my dad.

August: On the 2nd I received a text from a friend, Leah, that she and her husband Jay were watching Defiance that night if anyone wanted to join them. I went and watched with them and Jay's friend John. Afterwords, we hung out and ate and played euchre until about 2am. Had a great time! On the 5th, Lindsey Jones was leading worship at my church and that was amazing. On the 9th my friend Kelsy had just returned from picking corn at her family's farm in Iowa. She invited everyone over for corn on the cob! We ate and attempted to watch a movie outside with the projector, until it started raining. On the 23rd, my good friend Lydia, who had just returned from her summer in Europe, and I met up to see The Proposal. I was sad when I learned that it wasn't filmed in Alaska at all but actually on the East coast in Massachusetts. The rest of the month was spent working 10 hour weeks and still continuing my search for full time work in the Kansas City area. During my search I learned that my friend Ryan had vacated his position at Alaska Christian College as Front Office Coordinator to move to Chicago. I applied for the position, interviewed, was offered and accepted the position. It was agreed upon that I would start January 20th. I was thrilled to be moving back to Alaska, the place I fell so deeply in love with a few years prior. The thing was, however, that all paid staff positions at ACC are missionary positions and each staff person was required to raise their own support to cover their salary. So I started the process of fundraising: sending newsletters, emails, letters to area churches, organizations, etc ... I got a few people to respond and commit to giving what the could during my career there.

September: On the 3rd I met up with my cousin Josh and his wife for some Famous Dave's barbecue at the Power & Light District downtown. We walked around a bit and then came back to my place and watched a movie and hung out. I hadn't seen them since Christmas of 2005 when I visited them in California for 10 days. They were here visiting relatives and contacted me. It was wonderful to see them and the kids again. I saw them again on the 14th for some Jack Stack Barbecue at the Freight House (my personal favorite for barbecue) the night before they left. We then walked around Crown Center and The Westin Hotel and the Hyatt. We went up to Skies, the revolving restaurant that offers stunning vistas of the city. And then said goodbye. I continued my efforts to fundraise for my position in Alaska and continued to work for the telecommunications company. On the 21st, I worked my last day there, although I didn't really know it at the time. It's a long and sordid story, that I won't go into here. I'll just say that I'm so thankful that I'm not working for him anymore. Good riddance! On the 20th I went to my friend Jason's (remember him from the night I ended up on crutches?) for brisket. I was there maybe an hour and left (along with everyone else) because he was being a jerk to everyone there, especially me. It used to be that I would put up with that kind of behavior. Or I might get mad for a night or a week but I would eventually just brush it off and never mention it. Not anymore. This year has been a paramount year for me and setting boundaries with the people in my life. That night gave me the perfect opportunity. A friend of his, whom I'd never met before, even stood up for me. Anyhow, I don't have room for that in my life. The highlight of the month came on Tuesday, the 29th, when I went to see Snow Patrol with my friend Rachel (one of the Motherless Daughters from Mother's Day weekend). We had dinner at Blanc Burgers and Bottles. Had the dangerously delicious truffle fries. And she also gave me Donald Miller's new book that had just been released that day. Plain White T's opened for Snow Patrol and I think this maybe was the highlight of my year (not Plain White T's but Snow Patrol).

October: Or maybe the highlight of my year came on October 3rd when Rachel and I drove the 3 hours to Wichita to see Donald Miller speak about his new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Oh. My. Awesomeness! It was unbelievable! We sat in the front row, center, right under his nose. Afterwords, we met him and each had our pictures taken with him. He had his arm around us! In all seriousness, it was one of my favorite things of this year - that entire night was. The breathtaking drive down against a backdrop of the Kansas Flint Hills, an amazing sky, good music, and great company. I think I could just stop right here for this month and it would be sufficient. We drove back that night and it was late but still on the high of having met him. The next day we had brunch at Classic Cookie. A few days later I met up with an old roommate of mine, Rebecca. We lived (and worked) together in 2002-2003. I hadn't seen her since then, save one time when we met to eat at Chipotle. I think it was December of that same year maybe. We had reconnected on Facebook and she emailed me to say that we were in very similar places in life and could we meet. So we did. And what a blessing she has been to me since then! On the 11th my friend Kelsy (remember the corn party in August?), had just returned from picking apples at her family's farm in Iowa and had an apple party. Translation: about 40 apple desserts in lots and lots of people. I took my dad along with me. Oh boy, was it all delicious! Efforts continued for fundraising and wasn't getting much response. Due to the loss of my job at the telecommunications company in September, my unemployment benefits were put on hold. I had no money coming in (by the end of it, I went 7 weeks without any income whatsoever) and was starting to panic. I decided to apply for food stamps and that was a very humbling experience. I was approved and it was definitely a blessing, despite the occasional mean look from the person behind the cash register. This month, I also finished reading The Shack and went to hear C. Baxter Kruger talk about the book and about grace and Papa, Son, Sarayu. It was a 2-day lecture that was life-changing and life-giving in unexpected ways. Also, this month, God grew my faith by leaps and bounds by providing for me in huge ways. He is so good. And my church had a lot to do with that too. The last weekend of the month, Halloween weekend, I went to my sister Traci's in Topeka for the weekend. That Friday my brother in law turned 40 so they went out and I watched the kiddos, all 6 of them (soon to be SEVEN!), for the evening. That weekend we played, we packed some (they had sold their house), we handed out candy to trick-or-treaters. We went out to the land they were thinking about buying. On Sunday night we went to a bonfire and hayride and ate hot dogs cooked over the fire and made s'mores and watched as God drew attention to himself yet again with a breathtaking sunset over the Kansas hills.

November: When I got back in town from Topeka I noticed I had missed a couple of calls on my cell phone from one of the temp agencies, saying that they had a job for me and that it started Monday (this was Sunday night, mind you). Of course I thought it was too late but called them back on Monday morning anyway. Yep, too late. Half an hour later they called me back and said the person they sent didn't show up at the assignment and asked if I was still available and interested. Of course I was. So I started work the next day. Let me tell you, it felt great to be a functioning member of society again. It actually felt good (and I never thought I'd say this) to be in rush hour traffic because it meant I had somewhere to be, it meant I had a job to get to. The assignment was 4-6 weeks long, taking calls from mental health providers and clients, answering some questions and transferring others. It was perfect as I was/am planning on completing my degree in sociology and psychology. I was ecstatic to work in my preferred field. That first week of November I also had my phone interview with unemployment (from when I lost the job with the telecom company back in September) to go over details about the separation. I had documented everything and took meticulous notes and mailed that to them weeks prior so they had that information. They just needed me to fill in missing pieces. That was on Friday the 6th. Saturday the 7th, out of sheer curiosity I checked my status on the Kansas Department of Labor's website. They issued payment to me that morning for the previous 7 weeks based on the results of my phone interview and my documentation! It was such a relief to see that! Yet another way that God provided for me this year. Also on the 7th, Rebecca (my old roommate) and I started the first of weekly prayer meetings. It's been a stretch for both of us, as we're both fairly uncomfortable praying with others, but Man! has it ever been more of a blessing! On the 11th I went to a retirement party for a coworker of mine from Laminate Works (the place that let me go, way back in March). It was great to see everyone again and a little sad too, to see all the changes and to notice the missing faces. All the salesmen were in town and it was fun to see them again and do a little catching up and wish Joe well. I continued working at the behavioral health place 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Thanksgiving weekend I went back to my sister's in Topeka for a long weekend. I tried my hand at making my first cheesecake from scratch, a pumpkin goatcheese cheesecake. It was a big hit! Everyone asked for seconds, even my nephew Daniel that doesn't like sour cream or goat cheese! I caught the stomach virus on Thanksgiving Day so I didn't eat a whole lot, which was fine with me in the long run. It lasted a couple days until I finally decided to go home a whole day earlier than I planned, but it felt good to get home into my own bed, even though I'd say my bed at their house is comfier. Fundraising efforts continued despite the gnawing sense that it just wasn't going to come together. I began to have serious doubts if the timing for Alaska was right. I put in a word to the place I was temping and told them I'd be interested in permanent if they had anything available. I also emailed my boss in Alaska and told her my thoughts and was relieved upon reading her response: Please don't feel bad about this! ... That was a huge relief! I told her I'd give her my final decision by December 11th. Late November I made plans to visit my little brother Justin in Chicago (he moved there from Minnesota in October) for New Years. He promised that if I bought the tickets he'd help me pay for them. This will be the very first year I had "big" plans for New Years and I was ecstatic.

December: Thursday the 3rd my temp agency called me and told me that the next day would be my last day at the current assignment, that I had done a fabulous job for them but they no longer needed me. That was hard to hear, given they had repeatedly told me there was possibilities that it could be a permanent job. A couple days before December 11th (the final date to give word to ACC) I sent off an email to Alaska Christian College officially withdrawing my application and told them that I would not be coming in January, that I didn't feel the timing was right and had little peace with the idea of going. They were very understanding, thankfully, which made it so much easier to do. Also this month, I began putting together a creative writing portfolio to submit to Hallmark, which is headquartered here in Kansas City. I haven't sent it in yet, still compiling my writings, trying to select the best ones, writing new ones, etc ... We'll see what happens. Rebecca and I decided to add my friend Stephanie to our weekly prayer meetings. It's been wonderful to have that standing date every Saturday. We gather early in the afternoon, talk about our weeks, pray, and then usually eat together and just hang out. The last time we met (a week before Christmas) we went and had dinner on the Country Club Plaza with all the Christmas lights lit and walked around. Those two girls are so very important to me and I can't wait to see them again! Yesterday, the 28th, I heard from Justin (who has since moved back to Minnesota but was still planning on meeting me in Chicago for New Years) that he has to work this weekend and can't meet me in Chicago. I had already bought train tickets: $120. Keep in mind that I'm unemployed, yet again. But I understand, there's not much he can do about it. And I called Amtrak and they refunded the full cost of the tickets! So nothing to worry about! Justin had said that he'd reimburse me for them but now there's no worries! I'm still sad to think that I would have been leaving on the 30th and coming back the 3rd. I was so looking forward to seeing him, meeting his girlfriend, and just getting out of town for a bit, changing the scenery for some fresh perspective. But I guess it'll have to wait. Until when, only God knows. Today, I saw Avatar in 3D with my old friend Josh, visiting from Colorado again, and it was quite spectacular. As one friend put it, "It's the new sci-fi standard!" And that wraps up my year so far. A few days left of 2009. Here's hoping 2010 is as good, if not better, than 2009. And of course, I'm starting off the new year with a commitment to getting healthy and staying healthy, just like every other year, the last few years anyway. Hopefully this year I'll stick to it. I'm also resolving to complain less, pay off debt, and open myself up more to new possibilities.

What has your year been like? What are your resolutions for the new year? What are the areas in which you have grown the most this year?