So far 2010 has gotten off to a fairly rough start. The second or third week of January I drove up to Omaha to see some friends of mine from Alaska, Jesse and Tom Mute. They live in Nome now but she's originally from Omaha and she and her husband Tom came home just before Thanksgiving to spend time with her ailing father who died the day after Thanksgiving. Anyhow, it was a wonderful visit, too short, but so good to see them. They are trying to convince me to move to Nome.
I was at the gas station in Omaha filling up on my way out of town when my dad called. He said he'd received two collect calls from the Johnson County Detention Center and wondered if I was okay. I told him that I was. He called a few minutes later saying that my sister Lisa had been arrested for drug paraphernalia and was being held with $1500 bond. Back in November this same sister threatened suicide and had her kids taken away from her and placed with their father after first placed in foster care for a week or so. She has been charged with criminal abuse and neglect (I won't share details of that here) of her children and now the drug charges on top of it. I have not heard the outcome of her trial. She has been unreachable by my dad and hasn't called anyone in the family to let us know what the verdict/sentence was/is. It's my guess that she is in jail but I don't know that for sure.
A week or so after my short Omaha trip I was happily jaunting down the stairs here at home to watch a movie in the tv room. Only I missed a stair and fell on my foot, hard. I always wondered if I would cry from the pain if I were to ever break a bone. I don't have to wonder anymore and yes, I cried like a baby. The first night (a Friday, January 21st) I thought I had just rolled it again and even hobbled on it a little bit. I remember thinking that it was a different pain than last May when I had severely sprained my other one but I just tolerated it through tears and lots of ibuprofen. The next morning I woke up and decided I should probably have it looked at. So I took my wallet and called a friend to take me to the urgent care clinic that my doctor's office runs. I was surprised that I got right in, with little wait time. And I was more surprised when the doctor came in after I'd been xrayed to ask if I wanted to see my foot. "Not really, why?" "You broke it," he said. "Did I really?" I asked. "Of course, you did. You're not just being a wuss for nothing," he joked. So I hobbled out to the light board and looked at my foot; sure enough, it was broken. So they fit me in this boot thing and I cried even more. They were not very gentle but I suppose they were also kind. They said they don't really do casts anymore and this boot costs just as much and I can take it off to bathe, etc ... So that took a wad out of my pocketbook having no insurance.
Then the next Thursday, the 28th, I started getting a tummy ache after dinner that night. It lasted all night and the next day. I didn't eat because the thought of food was not appealing to me at all. That night I'd had plans for a couple girls to come over and make dinner for me and hang out. One of them canceled saying she had a tummy ache too and she was over the night before and we ate the same thing so I thought that's why I got sick. But I was feeling a bit better so the other girl still came and I invited another girl last minute who also came. One of them made dinner and we ate and then watched a movie. My tummy started feeling worse and I started getting worried. Back in May of 2005 I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured and caused a significant abdominal infection. That's what this felt like - only on the opposite side. I slept fitfully that night and the next morning decided I should go back to the urgent care clinic. So my roommate took me back a week after I had been there for my foot. Still on crutches of course and nearly crumpled in pain. Nothing was comfortable. They drew blood. They poked my abdomen. They did other tests. And then they sent me to Shawnee Mission Medical Center for more more tests. And it was confirmed: a ruptured ovarian cyst. At least it was just that and nothing more serious but still on top of a broken foot, it's even more miserable. So I went home and slept for the next 2-3 days. The swelling in my abdomen finally went down, the tummy ache subsided, my appetite came back, and after 4-5 days of not having any bowel movements I finally did. That was a huge relief. (Sorry for the intimate details.)
Back at the end of 2009 and beginning of 2010, when I made commitments to myself to get healthy, a broken foot and a ruptured cyst right out of the starting block is not what I had in mind. I had started working out at home on a Total Gym 1700 Club and had also started a work-trade agreement with a local yoga studio: one hour of in-studio childcare/week in exchange for unlimited yoga and pilates classes and unlimited infrared massage. And I had just started a high quality vitamin/mineral supplement regimen with both of these things happened. I had been to yoga nearly every day for a couple weeks and pilates a couple of times, and was really enjoying them, before I broke my foot. Very discouraging.
In the midst of all of this I have also been dealing with some other stuff that has been pretty difficult as well. I won't share details except just to say that, again, God seems to really be growing my faith this last year.
I have felt persecuted this month but ultimately I feel like I must be going through all of this for a very specific purpose. God has to be preparing me for something very special, though I have no idea what that is at this point. A good friend reminded me the other day that when we're feeling persecuted, it's not us personally that is being persecuted but our Light and our Truth that is being persecuted. I am clinging to that with everything in me. I do feel as though I am supposed to go back to school to finish my degree. I met with an academic advisor last week for KU's Bachelor of Social Welfare 2+2 program with KCKCC. I am in the midst of finalizing my taxes so that I can complete a FAFSA and hopefully begin school this summer. I feel that this is what I have been called to do. But I know that if I have to pay everything back that I've received since September I might have to put those plans on hold yet again. This has all been very frustrating, discouraging, confusing and hurtful to me. I am clinging desperately to my faith right now that my Jehovah Jireh will provide for me just as he faithfully has in the past. "Lord I believe; only help me with my unbelief!" Satan needs to know that there is no room for him in my life, he has no business here. I am sealed by Sarayu.
It's my hope and prayer that my heart would be bent toward worshiping God even in the midst of this.
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