I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Donald Miller mostly, Searching for God Knows What. It's no surprise to me really that I have taken away some important things from this book, as I have the other 2 of his that I've read.
In particular is one idea he talks about at quite great length. It's his lifeboat theory. Basically it's the idea that since original sin, we have all stopped getting all of our needs met in God, as we were originally designed, and started looking to others to fulfill those needs and for our affirmation. Because of this we all live in this state of mind as though we are all in a lifeboat and there's only room for 10 but there's 11 of us and so we have to decide who we kick out. And we're constantly fighting for our spot in the boat, trying to prove to everyone else how valuable we are, that we have our stuff together, and trying to convince everyone else that they shouldn't kick us out. We all try to get ahead of everyone else to maintain our position in the boat. It's as if this i the most dramatic reality show ever produced and we're competing for immunity in our daily challenges. We hear the narrator as he tells us what is at stake. We aren't just playing to say that we won, there's no million dollars waiting for the winner. We're playing for our lives. Literally. You get voted out of the boat and you die. Or that's what we think and how we feel. We do everything in our power to keep ourselves from being in that last position in the boat: the weakest, poorest, least successful, least contributing person (all by worldly standards) is the one in this position.
This theory has totally changed my worldview, completely revolutionized how I see myself and how I see others. It's changed my behaviors and transformed my heart in some areas, with many left to be changed. It used to be that when someone cut me off in traffic, I would go into a rage about just who does that person think they are cutting me off life that! How dare they?! My heart was against them. Now my heart toward them is softer and I find myself wondering whose lifeboat they are afraid of getting voted out of. It sometimes occurs to me to pray for them and so I do. It used to be that I myself felt the need to speed race everywhere, to be out in front, couldn't stand to have cars on all sides of me, trapping me in so to speak. I would cut people off and weave in and out. Now I realize that this was me just trying to get ahead in the boat, trying to keep as far away from the last position as possible. When I feel anxiety about how others think of me, I remind myself that I am not in a lifeboat about to be kicked out. When I feel as though someone isn't treating me, or someone else, as though I think they should I am able to realize that they feel desperate to cling to life just like everyone else. They can feel that something is missing in them and so they try to do everything in their power to keep others from seeing that they have a piece missing. But really in all their striving to cover up, the truth is revealed.
If one already had all their needs met, they wouldn't feel this desperation to hide the truth behind facades of "Look what I can do" or "Your life would be so empty without me." No pretenses. Just being at rest, effortless being. Jesus lived this way. He was who he was, without giving any weight to what others thought. He was unashamed. I have to say that seems like such a refreshing way to go about life. This reminds me of a passage in 1 Peter chapter 3: "What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in" (The Message). It's an attitude, a lifestyle: to not strive for outward perfection but to live from inner grace, from a place that bleeds of the redemption already completed. That will be a goal of mine in the coming months. To feel secure knowing that I already have my Life Preserver. He already saved me. For good. I don't need immunity because I received mine when I was in about 2nd or 3rd grade and this immunity doesn't transfer to the strongest person next week. It's my immunity and it lasts forever. I'm in the only lifeboat that matters and there's no chance of me getting voted out.
Flashed up in my wildest dreams, the dark red blood streams
Stretching out like vast cracked ice
The veins of you, the veins of me like great forest trees
Pushing through and on and in.
Gliding like a satellite in the broken night
And when I wake you're there, I'm saved
Your love is life piled tight and high set against the sky
That seems to balance on its own.
(Snow Patrol, Lifeboats)
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